GH SONGS REDONE - LYRICS The Carnivore Predatory Cow (The Old Troll) Just outside the old red barn And not to far from Bree The old cow hides and waits for you He hides up in a tree He'll eat you once and make you cud Spit you out and drink your blood Lap you into stomach three There he'll redigest you. -chorus- Hi-ho and hey diddle dee Just beyond the town of Bree Tarry there and you will see The old cow hunt his supper. If you ever travel East I'm sure he'd like to stalk ya' He'll lure you in with chicken strips! And then he'll run at ya'. Frogs he likes the most to eat, Squirrels he thinks a dainty treat, Gophers he would love to try, But he can never catch them! Hi-ho and hey diddle dee, Just beyond the town of Bree Tarry there and you will see The old cow make his tacos!! --+-- Notes --+-- Ok, the tacos are because he can't catch anything. Cows aren't particularly fast, you know Nex Tex note on lyrics: the translation doesn't flow to the music at all, so don't even try; just sing the Latin to yourself and it will make sense. (and, yes, I'm aware I switch tenses - it's a latin thing) Nex Tex Audi mihi et te docebo De Tex Nece rumore meo Olim homo erat beatus Canis hasta tum est necatus Miser, tum iratus Castigare constituit Hostem saevius Arma rapit, invenire facitque iter hic istum Cur famem leonum socors nescit hic Tex? Romae esse didicit hastam; Diu viam petivit vacuam Circum saxum et tum per comam, Nam “Omnes viae ducunt Romam” Ambulabat semper, cogitabat Quomodo hoc torquere; fortasse Oculi scindendi sunt, pes Concidendus, pungendus ren Cur famem leonum socors nescit hic Tex? Visit urbem Tex tandem socors; Appropinquabat huic sua iam mors Obstupefaciens fori turbis Hominum rivibus verritur is Tum videt militem Cuius hasta vulgo inpendit Cito hic sequitur Oculi Tex istum intendit Imminet omnibus Aedeficium tam praegrande; Ut magnum videre sit Repellenti homines circum se Videns non Texem miles iit Inscientus sibi Instare Aedeficium intrant hostes, Tex et Canis Praeinterfector Cave! Nunc adveniunt in arenam; Clamant turbae hanc novam ludam, Miles Texem conspecit demum, Fugit hic; currit Tex extremum Miles nunc recludit Salvus ostia hic; feroces Leones evolaverunt dentes sanguine sparsi; Tex miser necatus est Cur famem leonum socors nescit hic Tex? Translation Listen to me and I will teach you About the violent death of the Texan by my tale Once he was a happy man Then his dog was killed by a spear Wretched, then angry he decided to punish his enemy cruelly; he siezed his arms, and he made a journey to find that man Why did this brainless Texan not know of the hunger of lions? He decided that the spear was of Rome; For a long time he searched empty roads Around stones and through the grass For “All roads lead to Rome” He was always walking, he kept thinking ways to torture his enemy; perhaps his eyes ought to be split apart, his foot cut off, his kidney punctured Why did this brainless Texan not know of the hunger of lions? At last the brainless Texan saw the city; His death was already approaching him Dazed by the crowds of the marketplace He is swept by the flow of men Then he sees a soldier Whose spear looms over the common people Quickly [the Texan] follows The Texan’s eyes fix on that sneer man; A building so great Towers over everything That it is hard for him to see, Being pushed back by the men around him Not seeing the Texan, the soldier went, Unknowing he was closely followed His enemy entered the building The Texan and the Cheif Dog Killer Beware! Now they come into an arena; Crowds praise this new game The soldier sees the Texan at last; He flees, the Texan follows for the last time This soldier, now safe Closes the gates; fierce Lions rush out, fangs Sprinkled with blood; the miserable Texan Was violently murdered Why did this brainless Texan not know Of the hunger of lions? The Ballad of Holly Now listen, Steve, unto this tale For it will leave you crying It's of a ringnecked turtledove Who now in death is lying With eyes and beak and claws of red And creamy colored wings and head The finest bird that's ever been known, No use to try denying Gwaihir was a name I would have preferred But they just called her Holly And I decided at least it was A better name than Polly At first we thought the bird was daft Because of her dear madman laugh But how could someone help but love A turtledove so jolly One fateful day in early March From school I was a-coming I paused in shock and unbelief To hear the news so numbing A friend of Mary's slammed her beak Buy mischance with the toilet seat I missed my Holly right away And buried her, still loving Reluctantly Mary's friend Called to apologize He said he took my birdy out To see if she could fly "But when you took her from her abode, Why did you put her in the commode?" "I wanted to see if she could swim," Came the simple reply Thus ends the tale of Miss Holly Bird And How She Came to Die