The Carnivore Predatory Cow
(The Old Troll)

Just outside the old red barn
And not to far from Bree
The old cow hides and waits for you
He hides up in a tree

He'll eat you once and make you cud
Spit you out and drink your blood
Lap you into stomach three
There he'll redigest you.

Hi-ho and hey diddle dee
Just beyond the town of Bree
Tarry there and you will see
The old cow hunt his supper.

If you ever travel East
I'm sure he'd like to stalk ya'
He'll lure you in with chicken strips!
And then he'll run at ya'.

Frogs he likes the most to eat,
Squirrels he thinks a dainty treat,
Gophers he would love to try,
But he can never catch them!

Hi-ho and hey diddle dee,
Just beyond the town of Bree
Tarry there and you will see
The old cow make his tacos!!

--+-- Notes --+--
Ok, the tacos are because he can't catch anything. Cows aren't particularly fast, you know

Nex Tex
note on lyrics: the translation doesn't flow to the music at all, so don't even try; just sing the Latin to yourself and it will make sense. (and, yes, I'm aware I switch tenses - it's a latin thing)
Nex Tex

Audi mihi et te docebo
De Tex Nece rumore meo
Olim homo erat beatus
Canis hasta tum est necatus

Miser, tum iratus
Castigare constituit
Hostem saevius
Arma rapit, invenire
facitque iter hic istum
Cur famem leonum socors
nescit hic Tex?

Romae esse didicit hastam;
Diu viam petivit vacuam
Circum saxum et tum per comam,
Nam “Omnes viae ducunt Romam”

Ambulabat semper, cogitabat
Quomodo hoc torquere; fortasse
Oculi scindendi sunt, pes
Concidendus, pungendus ren
Cur famem leonum socors
nescit hic Tex?

Visit urbem Tex tandem socors;
Appropinquabat huic sua iam mors

Obstupefaciens fori turbis
Hominum rivibus verritur is

Tum videt militem
Cuius hasta vulgo inpendit
Cito hic sequitur
Oculi Tex istum intendit
Imminet omnibus
Aedeficium tam praegrande;
Ut magnum videre sit
Repellenti homines circum se

Videns non Texem miles iit
Inscientus sibi
Aedeficium intrant hostes,
Tex et Canis Praeinterfector

Nunc adveniunt in arenam;
Clamant turbae hanc novam ludam,
Miles Texem conspecit demum,
Fugit hic; currit Tex extremum

Miles nunc recludit
Salvus ostia hic; feroces
Leones evolaverunt dentes
sanguine sparsi; Tex miser
necatus est
Cur famem leonum socors
nescit hic Tex?


Listen to me and I will teach you
About the violent death of the Texan by my tale
Once he was a happy man
Then his dog was killed by a spear

Wretched, then angry
he decided to punish
his enemy cruelly;
he siezed his arms, and he
made a journey to find that man
Why did this brainless Texan not know
of the hunger of lions?

He decided that the spear was of Rome;
For a long time he searched empty roads
Around stones and through the grass
For “All roads lead to Rome”

He was always walking, he kept thinking
ways to torture his enemy; perhaps
his eyes ought to be split apart,
his foot cut off, his kidney punctured
Why did this brainless Texan not know
of the hunger of lions?

At last the brainless Texan saw the city;
His death was already approaching him

Dazed by the crowds of the marketplace
He is swept by the flow of men

Then he sees a soldier
Whose spear looms over the common people
Quickly [the Texan] follows
The Texan’s eyes fix on that sneer man;
A building so great
Towers over everything
That it is hard for him to see,
Being pushed back by the men around him

Not seeing the Texan, the soldier went,
Unknowing he was closely followed
His enemy entered the building
The Texan and the Cheif Dog Killer

Now they come into an arena;
Crowds praise this new game
The soldier sees the Texan at last;
He flees, the Texan follows for the last time

This soldier, now safe
Closes the gates; fierce
Lions rush out, fangs
Sprinkled with blood; the miserable Texan
Was violently murdered
Why did this brainless Texan not know
Of the hunger of lions?

The Ballad of Holly

Now listen, Steve, unto this tale
For it will leave you crying
It's of a ringnecked turtledove
Who now in death is lying
With eyes and beak and claws of red
And creamy colored wings and head
The finest bird that's ever been known,
No use to try denying

Gwaihir was a name I would have preferred
But they just called her Holly
And I decided at least it was
A better name than Polly
At first we thought the bird was daft
Because of her dear madman laugh
But how could someone help but love
A turtledove so jolly

One fateful day in early March
From school I was a-coming
I paused in shock and unbelief
To hear the news so numbing
A friend of Mary's slammed her beak
Buy mischance with the toilet seat
I missed my Holly right away
And buried her, still loving

Reluctantly Mary's friend
Called to apologize
He said he took my birdy out
To see if she could fly
"But when you took her from her abode,
Why did you put her in the commode?"
"I wanted to see if she could swim,"
Came the simple reply
Thus ends the tale of Miss Holly Bird
And How She Came to Die